Gurlll, I've been neglecting this blog for 2 FREAKING YEARS!!
Sooooooo.... for an update (literally no one reads this, this is like a personal diary for me, only it's online and no one can relate to it. And also none of my friends know the existence of this blog heh).
2018:
Pretty much the best year for me. I've learned a lot, achieved a lot. I was in love with a great guy, he complemented me in every way. Our relationship was just.... beautiful. He was my strength, he was my biggest supporter (after my mum of course), he brought out the best in me. Basically he was my highlight of the year and I achieved so many great things with him! Life was such a blessing with him.
2019:
A year full of ups and downs. I met new friends and lost some throughout the year. But I guess it was meant to be. As you grow older, you will realized that sometimes you need to get out of the circle of friends that you thought was the best. I outgrew some friendships, some that I felt was long overdue. I didn't really care if people wanted to be friends with me or not. I only talk to people who make efforts to talk to me. I believe that friendship, just like relationship work both ways. You and your friends need to work it out together.
Again, I'm not trying to rant about my love stories but I have to. Because I wanted to remember it, although it hurts me in every way but I just need to. The relationship I had in 2018, it started at the end of August 2017. But we go way wayyy back from 2011. I was in a relationship with him for almost one year from 2011-2012. We broke up, went our separate ways and never contacted each other until August 2017 (well he did contacted me a few times but I never replied to any of it). Like I said, the relationship we had was beautiful. He's the love I love the most. I still regret my decision of ending the relationship in November 2019 but it was something needed. It was my biggest regret, I still cry my heart out once in a while. I can never forgive myself for what I did, for the decision I made. But again, it was my decision. It wasn't his. And no sorry in this world could make him forgive me, make me forgive myself. So, I just live with it.
2020:
After I went out of my relationship in 2019, my heart is completely shattered. Up till now, I feel nothing. I am cold, heartless. I am never happy. I constantly grief myself. I'm not sad, I'm just... broken. I don't get excited over anything anymore, I feel empty. I told a few of my friends the real reason why I ended it. Four of them, and I finally told my mum.
I woke up everyday thinking how am I going to survive another day. I live alone now so most of the time, I don't have any social interactions. I don't feel like it. I no longer care if no one cares about me, because I don't care about myself either. I appreciate friends who constantly checked up on me (entahlah tak ramai pun, I jugak yang text first lol). My phone tak pernah bunyi pun unless I send text first but whatever I dah taknak kisah. I just hope I don't end up with any mental illness sebab kalau mcm tu, siapa pulak nak habiskan study I ni. Penat bapak aku bayar. Dah lah useless, tak kan nak becomes a burden pulak kan.
So, that's it.
Sooooooo.... for an update (literally no one reads this, this is like a personal diary for me, only it's online and no one can relate to it. And also none of my friends know the existence of this blog heh).
2018:
Pretty much the best year for me. I've learned a lot, achieved a lot. I was in love with a great guy, he complemented me in every way. Our relationship was just.... beautiful. He was my strength, he was my biggest supporter (after my mum of course), he brought out the best in me. Basically he was my highlight of the year and I achieved so many great things with him! Life was such a blessing with him.
2019:
A year full of ups and downs. I met new friends and lost some throughout the year. But I guess it was meant to be. As you grow older, you will realized that sometimes you need to get out of the circle of friends that you thought was the best. I outgrew some friendships, some that I felt was long overdue. I didn't really care if people wanted to be friends with me or not. I only talk to people who make efforts to talk to me. I believe that friendship, just like relationship work both ways. You and your friends need to work it out together.
Again, I'm not trying to rant about my love stories but I have to. Because I wanted to remember it, although it hurts me in every way but I just need to. The relationship I had in 2018, it started at the end of August 2017. But we go way wayyy back from 2011. I was in a relationship with him for almost one year from 2011-2012. We broke up, went our separate ways and never contacted each other until August 2017 (well he did contacted me a few times but I never replied to any of it). Like I said, the relationship we had was beautiful. He's the love I love the most. I still regret my decision of ending the relationship in November 2019 but it was something needed. It was my biggest regret, I still cry my heart out once in a while. I can never forgive myself for what I did, for the decision I made. But again, it was my decision. It wasn't his. And no sorry in this world could make him forgive me, make me forgive myself. So, I just live with it.
2020:
After I went out of my relationship in 2019, my heart is completely shattered. Up till now, I feel nothing. I am cold, heartless. I am never happy. I constantly grief myself. I'm not sad, I'm just... broken. I don't get excited over anything anymore, I feel empty. I told a few of my friends the real reason why I ended it. Four of them, and I finally told my mum.
I woke up everyday thinking how am I going to survive another day. I live alone now so most of the time, I don't have any social interactions. I don't feel like it. I no longer care if no one cares about me, because I don't care about myself either. I appreciate friends who constantly checked up on me (entahlah tak ramai pun, I jugak yang text first lol). My phone tak pernah bunyi pun unless I send text first but whatever I dah taknak kisah. I just hope I don't end up with any mental illness sebab kalau mcm tu, siapa pulak nak habiskan study I ni. Penat bapak aku bayar. Dah lah useless, tak kan nak becomes a burden pulak kan.
So, that's it.
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